Is Romance Only in Movies?

With the changing of times have come endless forms of communication, the accessibility of anyone at any time. We are able to do business at any hour of the day--even internationally--at the click of a button. We can text message, call, conference call, email, video message, and video conference, instant message, phone over the internet, email from our phones, order delivery online… There is every means possible for us not to get in direct contact with one another. (And I am equally as guilty of this as I prefer a text message that takes five seconds to a 30 second phone call to tell someone one second worth of information.) But in all this chaos of typing, texting, and media, we have somehow lost ourselves leaving even personal relationships slightly distant, detached, or maybe even cold. How many of us are guilty of having full conversations through text or IM? (Raise hands, please. You know you’re guilty.)

I went to see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button which is staged in the 1930’s and into the 1940’s. Of course the movie was great, but what I really noticed was the demeanor between people (specifically male-female interaction) in the movie. I left with a warm heart from a great story but also a sense of longing for the simplicity that romance in the 30’s and 40’s held. Even the slightest gesture like a man asking a woman to dance seems so romantic when you’re used to some faceless guy creeping up behind you at a club and going all dog-in-heat on your leg. (Sex only sells in certain situations. This is not one of them.) And I’m sure women are guilty of some equivalent of this, but I’m finding that even the smallest gestures that were once the ‘appropriate thing to do’ are now perceived as grand gestures. If a guy showed up at my door with flowers on a first date, I, of course would be totally flattered. But there would still be a nagging part of me wondering if he was a) for real or b) trying to get laid. I can admit that I would probably be a bit embarrassed or curious as to why he was so invested in this date (or in me). I’m not meaning to say that I’m not worth that, but it’s something different from what I’m used to and therefore slightly unnerving. (It’s like someone being really nice to you without good reason. You sadly, cynically wonder what their ulterior motives are…)

I don’t know which came first:
The Chicken: Was it our (women’s’) reactions that were off-putting to the men? Was it the men investing and then being rejected that discouraged this behavior?
Or the Egg: The ease and convenience of reaching one another left people feeling all that much more comfortable before even reaching the initial getting-to-know-you stage? Thanks to Facebook (guilty), MySpace (guilty), LinkedIn (guilty), blogs (duh), e-mailings (duh again), subscriptions (TiVo suggests shows I might like based on what I record… So does iTunes. So, guilty), and professional profiles, we can find out almost anything about someone before we go out with them.

When you have all that information at your fingertips, you can’t help but feel closer, or at least more enlightened, about someone. There have been times that I determined--from a Facebook profile--whether or not I want to go out with someone. Maybe he was smoking in a picture, maybe he drops ‘F-bombs’ throughout his self-description, maybe he’s just a little too close with his Mom in a few pictures, whatever it may be… it deterred me from giving this guy a chance.

No, that’s not fair to him. You’re right. I haven’t even allowed him to show up at my doorstep with flowers and sweep me off my feet a la Noah in The Notebook. In a matter of minutes, I met him, got to know him (or what at least I could gather from 20 photos of him on a friend's boat with beer gear attached to his head), and ruled him out. Along with the revisions we, women, need to make on being more direct, being more assertive and outgoing, and ultimately, more confident. Men, maybe it’s time to ‘bring sexy back’ by making the woman feel sexy… like a lady. And no, I don’t mean grabbing her butt when she gets up to go to the bathroom. Not cute. What I mean is showing her that you’re really into her. (And not ‘really’ as in, a lot. Really as in, legitimately.)

Yes, giving flowers on a first date is a bold move, but it’s totally respectable. I guarantee I’d blush while being a little cynical. But I also guarantee that in an instant I would forget my cynicism, find it charming and, of course, gush to my friends later while secretly praying that you’re the real deal. Woman don’t like being skeptical. (Unless you’re just generally miserable. In which case, I got nothin'...) For example, leading her through a crowd by putting your hand on the small of her back… Sometimes that little contact can send the message that you are into her and that you respect her. From a woman’s perspective, that little gesture takes things out of the dreaded ‘friends zone’ and maybe sends that little electric shock up her spine. (Bet you didn’t know something so small could have such a huge reaction!) Asking her to dance properly and taking the lead. That's romantic. And even… *insert Darth Vader music* Giving her a compliment! “Wow! You look really nice tonight!” can send her blushing like a schoolgirl.

I know this isn’t the 1930’s anymore. I know there is more expected, no… demanded… of us. I know we work 60+ hours a week and we have hobbies and plans and meetings and conference calls and family obligations. I get it. But this can apply to anyone; those of you who are single and those of you who are married, male or female. Unfortunately, sometimes ‘getting comfortable’ also unintentionally means forgetting about the little things that go a long way that take no time at all. (Also, ladies, maybe we’re forgetting little things like saying ‘thank you’ when he opens the door for you or links your arm with his. Maybe we should try to be outwardly more appreciative, no?)

So, maybe our grandparents are a bit dated on some things. (Although I really am tempted to steal one of my Pop’s fedoras…) But, I gotta’ tell ya', I’ve never met a man over 65 who hasn’t held the door open for me when I walk in somewhere. (Unless he was physically unable… In which case, I held it for him. Remember? Level playing field.) Maybe we should learn from our grandparents how to be romantic, gentlemanly and ladylike, all over again. Maybe this is another reform we could all work on. So, until one of you sends me flowers instead of an "I had a great time!" text message, I’m just going to sit here with my glass of red and piece of chocolate and watch Benjamin Button. Anyone care to join me?