On a lighter note this week (or two weeks for that matter) I've decided to bring out my most mature self and delve into a couple quality situations to explain exactly why I'm still single. So, without further ado, please enjoy the humor that is my life.
Before I begin, let me give you a little background information. About a month and a half ago I joined a free dating website called plentyoffish.com. This was, at the time, for market research purposes and to see what kind of clientele a free dating website attracted. And while I did find that there are some quality people on there, they are few and far between in comparison to the umm... well... 'others'. So let's enjoy some of the emails I've gotten thus far:
hey sweet how ya doin? i was checked out ur profile it looks cool...!what you looking in pof:)?i would like to get to know ya it is cool...?ok if u wanna holla at me ma contact is 5555555555 or email me xxxxxxxxx@yahoo.com...!
1. I'm sorry, WHAT?
2. I see question marks but I don't see questions.
3. Did you just call me 'sweet' and 'ma'? Do I actually look like either of those to you?
4. Really, truly, I have no idea what you just said. So even if I wanted to respond, I wouldn't know how. Do they have Ebonics to English dictionaries online?
Are you ever interested in living in the country?
1. I state on my profile that I will not date anyone more than 25 miles away from Chicago and I rave about how much I love this city. You tell me.
2. I consider Schaumberg far.
well i tell u this right now i dont let a woman im with pay for nothing my ex g/f i used to take care of her all the time i was with her and she had to never worrie because i had everything on the control well if u knew me u would like me like everyone does im funny and smart and has a good sense of humor and i love kids and want to start a family one day i also love being around kids also i love cars and i wanna buld a street car one day and i want a good woman in my life that i can come home to and be happy and make her happy well if u like that why not give it a shot what do we have to lose u might love me to death or hate me it doesnt hurt to give it a shot i dont use people or i dont wanna be used im sick of playing games all i want is just like anyone else wants that is to only be loved and i would do the same back i have a big heart family is first in my life and i just want women to know they can count on me and not be let down well if u wanna hang out and shoot some pool or get some dinner sometime or just talk let me know
1. I also mention in my profile that I am a JOURNALISM student. The fact that this email had no punctuation or capital letters actually pained me. Oh. And that you spelled 'worry' with 'ie'. No dice, Romeo.
2. Because there was no punctuation or capital letters I read this as one 10-line run-on sentence which resulted in me forgetting to breathe the whole time. Apparently periods and commas exist for a reason.
3. In all fairness, Random Guy, you seem very nice and very genuine in a Droopy-the-Dog meets Linus-from-Charlie-Brown kind of way. Very sweet but not my style. Thanks for playin'.
So that's that. Then there are the guys I meet in the flesh off the bat. Like at the gym...
Picture this:
*Headphones on blasting Beyonce's Single Ladies. I'm in sweatpants and a Coed Naked Volleyball shirt from sixth grade. I have no makeup on and my hair looks like something died and landed on my head. Oh. And I'm beet-freaking-red because that's how I do. So basically, I'm in my groove...*
Dude walks by me way too closely. Stops at the machine right in front of my hanging-abs machine thingie. Stares. Mumbles something but I can't hear him because of Beyonce in my ears and quite honesty, I'd like to pretend I didn't notice.
I go get water. Dude follows me by the water fountain. As I leave the water fountain Dude says something (that I still can't hear but I can read lips) to the effect of "How you doin'..."
Headphones come off...
Me: *in a very irritated tone* What?
Dude: How you doin'...
Me: Fine thanks.
Dude: You single?
Me: I'm gay.
Dude: Really?
Me: Yes.
Dude: Can I watch?
Oh for the love of everything good and holy! GO AWAY!
Then the grocery store...
I'm post workout which means my face is turning back to its normal shade of pasty. I'm still in scrubby clothes and I'm still trying to shake off Sleezy McVoyeur from the gym.
I'm in produce. A guy who looks eerily like Coolio keeps looking at me. He mutters something to me in a voice so low and quiet that it puts James Earl Jones to shame. I keep getting my veggies and fruit and pretend not to notice. I move on to deli and voilà! There he is. Again, I ignore.
Just for kicks I walk down the tampon and Vagisil aisle and he doesn't follow. (Hehehe.) I think I'm free except I get to spices and there he is. I grab a aerosol can of olive oil Pam and wonder if it's as effective as pepper spray. Then in his voice that only squirrels and dolphins can hear...
Him: Yo, Ma...
Me: Huh?
Him: How you doin'... *Please note the lack of a question mark. In cases like these, this is not a question but rather a space-filler. I would rather him just get to the point so I can continue on my way. I'm tired and I need Golden Grahams.*
Me: Fine.
Him: You into Black guys?
Me: I... Ummm... Wow, really? Uhhh... I guess... I mean, I don't discriminate.
*FYI, I'm still walking. He's walking along about five feet behind me so a)he can stare at my behind, and b)he can make it even harder for me to hear him so I have to go "What?" every three seconds. Oh. And P.S. He hasn't put one thing in his shopping cart.*
*I'm still holding the can of Pam. If it saves my life I'm writing a thankful letter about the many uses of said handy substitute for butter.*
Him: You into me?
Me: No thanks.
Him: Why not?
Me: Because I'm not. Have a good night. *Walking, walking, walking towards the front where I spy cashiers and a security guard*
Him: Would it change your mind if I told you I have a big----- *beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*
*Running, running, running up to the cashiers and security guard. Screw the Golden Grahams. I'm done.*
I get escorted to my car by a very nice bagger who seemed to have an eye on me the whole time (and brought the security guard over by me) because he thought that guy was sleazy. I was very appreciative and, in addition to my letter to the Pam people, might write another letter to Dominick's thanking them for their attentive staff.
And finally, the guy who can't step up...
I am out with friends. I see this guy from across the bar and he looks at me and smiles. I smile back. Throughout the evening, he inches closer and closer to me and my friends and keeps making random eye contact but never actually follows through.
I walk by him to go say hi to someone. Nothing.
He walks by me to go to the bathroom. Nothing.
He bumps into me on his way back from the bathroom. I get an "Excuse me." I say "No problem." and he keeps walking. Ugh!
He finally makes his way to the part of the bar near me. And just as I'm putting on my jacket to leave (at 3am)...
Him: Are you leaving?
Me: Yep!
Him: Where are you going?
Me: For real? It's 3am. I'm going to bed.
Him: Oh, that sucks.
Me: Yeah, well, it took you long enough to talk to me!
Him: I know. Well, you're intimidating...
OH.MY.GOD.
I'm destined to be single forever. I swear.
Posts
So that's it? I can't imagine not one guy on POF couldn't send you a decent email.
ReplyDeleteI do agree though with what you say. I chat on the POF forum and it's amazing the stories I see from women about the terrible emails guys write in between guys complaining how women set their standards too high. I personally think many guys just don't get it...and need a clue in terms of how to communicate with a female. Turn off the TV and actually just listen to her...even if "listening" is just reading her profile closely.
As for the gym, I understand, and I believe we talked about this in another entry. It's not the 80s anymore, and most people want to get out of the gym as fast as they walked in. Not really there to socialize.
I can't blame you for pushing said guy away, but I will also say if you found him attractive, maybe you should forget how you look at that moment and give it a shot. I've heard over and over the "I looked like crap!" excuse when women tell me of guys who approach them at the gym, but then later lament on how they're single and can't find a "decent guy". If he was man enough to approach you when you're feeling unattractive, then he obviously sees you as attractive.
Most men don't need to see a woman in her "going out on the town" mode to see a pretty girl.
The store scenario is another example of this. Seen women lament on how they can't find a decent guy, but then with exploration it comes out that they barely give enough opportunities for men to find them. When they proclaim that anytime they look like "crap", then no man should even fathom approaching her. So these same women go to the store in sweats and hair pulled back. They go to work with sunglasses and headphones on. They go work out and it's off limits there. Then many of these women only socialize with their groups of friends in many scenarios where new people can't really come in. How can a girl meet a decent guy if the only chance he has is trying to approach said girl when she's out with a group of friends at a bar?
In any case though, the grocery store guy was a creep and you were in the right. Please also do not take my comments as a personal attack on you. I just remember when I was single, I'd go to the grocery store near my work, which usually sees a lot of young single women. The funny thing is how many of them show up with these proverbial brick walls around them and a big "STAY AWAY FROM ME" sign up...then later I imagine they, like many, complain how they can't find a decent guy. I have coworkers who lament on their singledom, but yet the only opportunities they have for guys to be "allowed" to approach them are at bars...which then leads them to meeting more drunken scumbags than the cute guy who wants to get married down the road.
As for you in the bar, I commend you. You showed visible signs of interest and even gave this guy opportunities to approach you. He chickened out, and he lost in the end. I personally think if he's intimidated to even make any small attempt at approaching you with or without your friends, then he needs to look elsewhere to meet guys.
I still say the bars are a terrible place to meet people because you tend to run into one good person for every 10-20 scummy or childish types. I think the best suggestion for you in the end would be to get into other things like you have. I know you love volleyball and I hope you're joining some summer leagues. Maybe you'll meet a better guy there. That or possibly start taking advantage of the other aspects of your life that would bring men to you. Weed through the creepy ones and possibly find a winner.
I'll keep my fingers crossed for ya. :)
Oops! Made a type-o. I meant to say "then he needs to look elsewhere to meet girls." in that one paragraph.
ReplyDeleteB,
ReplyDeleteFirst off, sorry it took me forever to join your blog. I have read all your posts though.
My question to you is... Why didn't you approach the guy who was into you at the bar? He clearly showed signs of interests towards you... uhmm I believe you mentioned this in one of your previous articles.. how women need to be more independent, forward, secure... basically pointing out on how we should be more brave and actually talk to a guy if we want to... brake the rules of courtship per say.
When it comes to D-Jam comment regarding how we claim and complain we can't find a decent guy but what we are really trying to say is... why the perfect/decent guy hasn't found me!!!! ha.
We complaint about being alone all the time... but we do very little to improve our situation. With our iphone/blackberry, ipods, laptop, books and whatever else you want to add to the list... we try to keep up with the world... but forget to actually communicate with others, with the person sitting next to you on the train or the cute guy at the supermarket. We always seem to be too busy to initiate a conversation. When, let's be honest, we are all looking for a connection (read friendship/dates).
I guess moving to a foreign country, taught me that if I wanted friends/connections/dates. I had to find them myself.
Hey, I found you B :)
Oh and by brake, I meant BREAK* ha.
ReplyDeleteAlex and Alba,
ReplyDeleteFirst off thanks for the comments. And Alba, guess you did a lot of reading! Anyway, you were both saying something similar that I wanted to address directly.
What I got from your responses had to do with me (or women in general perhaps?) opening up more and welcoming attention in more of a positive way than a negative way in addition to stepping up and taking the intiative more often.
And while I do agree with you both to some extent, please understand and realize that I am, as well all are, allowed to have preferences or standards. Much of the information that I posted was for comedic value only. Yes, these are true stories. But I find them funny and ironic (as my life seems to be). If I were taking all of this seriously I'd have become a hermit many moons ago. So with that said, please take this with a grain of salt and realize that this is for you, because hopefully it made you laugh.
On the last post about the cute (albeit shy) guy from the bar... the one who couldn't step up... I did take the initiative. I was so bold as to offer him my number and when he contacted me, I was the one trying to make plans. Shy is one thing but shy and passive is completely different. I don't mind a shy guy but if you're standing right next to me smiling, exchange hi's... if you can't start a conversation even after a "Go ahead" like that then, well, we're probably not going to work out. So, it's not so much me writing someone off for being shy. That's not it at all. I don't mind stepping up but I don't want to be the one to do it all the time.
And, there has to be a balance between modern feminism in dating and traditional courtship still. I'm starting to find that in the situations where I am the more aggressive results in a more casual, less gentlemanly approach on the guy's end. Yes, this could absolutely be situational, but the fact still exists that people still don't know how to handle the politics of dating... Maybe that's our topic for this week. Hmmm...
Again, thanks for the comments. I think both are very insightful and honest and I appreciate that. I didn't post an "after the fact" blurb about Shy Guy because this post was exceptionally long already. So please take this as that follow-up.
I wish I could be a fly on the wall watching these things as they happen to you. This is unreal, hahaha.
ReplyDelete