Men are from Mars; Women are from Pluto?

Oh, wait. Pluto isn't even a planet anymore. Don't get me started on that...

...Anyway, we're back! I hope everyone had a great week. I thought we'd jump right in where we left off with our other post of the mysteries of women. I have a few questions posted by readers that I will address, too. *wine and chocolate in hand*


Why do Women Jump When They See Insects?


1. They're gross, and creepy, and crawly. And I KNOW that centipede gave me the stink eye.

2. This can be a personal thing. I know women who are not afraid of bugs. Yet I will outsource a boy to come get rid of a spider for me. No joke. I'm afraid that the bug is going to lay eggs in my hair or something ridiculous like that.


In reality, I know they're more scared of me than I am of them. (If they even have brains that have the 'feelings' function.) But I'm convinced after seeing Honey I Shrunk the Kids, Antz, A Bug's Life, and Harry Potter that bugs really do have more capabilities than we meager humans know!


3. Did I mention that they're scary, gross, creepy, and crawly... AND they're plotting to take over the world? Where's Will Smith when we need him? If he can handle aliens and zombies, he surely can handle bugs. Oh. And I'm going to call the Ghostbusters in for re-enforcement. What can I say, I'm well connected.



Why do Women Want to Hook Your Friends Up with Their Friends?


There can be a couple motivations here. The first is to make sure their friend is happy, again. Like the going to the bathroom together note. Life is amazing when you can share being giddy in lust/love/like with someone. A woman never wants to call her single girlfriend and gush adoringly about her new guy while her friend is sitting at home on a Saturday night gorging herself on Chocolate Cherry Garcia and watching Love, Actually by herself. No, I'm kidding. Sort of. I'm making it sound worse than it is. But really, we want our friends to be as happy as we are. And the reality of it is, we wouldn't set our friends up with yours if we didn't think they were going to be quality guys based on the fact that you're a quality guy. It can cause serious stress on our relationship if our friends hate your friends. So really, it reflects positively on you and your crew if we see your friends fit enough for our friends. Be flattered.


The other, potentially far-fetched, reason would be to get closer to you, again. If my friend and your friend are dating, that means there is a greater likelihood that we will go out as a group. Think about this scenario: My friend and your friend are planning a date. My friend mentions it to me, and your friend mentions it to you. And then "Aha! Why don't you guys come with us?" That's an automatic date for me! By default! Man oh man am I sneaky! (And brilliant!) And I get to see you an extra day. It, of course, goes back to me being able to gush to my friend about how awesome you are without feeling like I'm throwing it in her face. Then I can gush about how excited I am for our double date. It's all a vicious circle. But either way, you're in there like swimwear if your lady is hooking up your friends!



Why do Women Feel Awkward About Standing Naked?

(Quick note: Dad, please feel free to skip over this part. In fact, please do skip over this part. Thanks.)


In this regard, I don't think men and women are too different from each other. Men work their bums off at the gym to get 'huge' or 'ripped' so they'll get attention from women. Women diet, gym, starve themselves, detox, lunge, crunch, stretch, sauna, and steam all to have a figure that maybe, barely, possibly resembles Jessica Biel.


It's insecurity. We're full of imperfections and women, for centuries, have had the reputation of being the more aesthetically beautiful form of the two genders. Greek sculpture accentuates a woman's curves and purity; Chagall, Matisse, and Dali all painted the female form in honest, but beautiful and artistic ways; and well, Leonardo DiCaprio didn't do so bad of a job sketching Kate Winslet in Titanic, either. Today's picture of attractive women (echem, wasn't Jennifer Aniston just naked on the cover of a magazine at age 40?!) is not so conducive of the nagging lower belly pouch that we can't seem to shed or the extra 'junk in the trunk' that you may love so much, but to us, that's the difference between a size 10 jean and a size 8 jean. (And really, we all want to be in single digits.) Victoria's Secret models take up entire storefront windows with flat stomachs, perky breasts, and perfect skin. And if that's what we're being compared to? Who wouldn't be a little uncomfortable in their own skin? So if we're feeling awkward standing in all our glory in front of you, that's the time for you to put that huge grin on your face and say, "Wow! Can you just plan on looking like that every day when I come home?" or something along those lines. (Man I hope my Dad's not reading this!)


But as a general rule, it's not about the anatomy of the female form as the previous author mentioned. We are full aware thanks to puberty and Sex Education what our bodies look like and how we're built. What we're worried about is you. So think about what reaction you'd want from us if the role were reversed and stick to that. We will get comfortable the more we're encouraged. So if this is a behavior you like, I suggest compliments, smiles, and well... other reactions to make us feel like the women we are.


...Now we're onto your questions! Here we go!


Why does a woman get upset when her guy wants to spend time with his boys?


I genuinely do think this has to do with the individual woman rather than us as a group. But, if I were to guess, I would assume that whoever you're referring to is not feeling as though she has had quality time with you. This goes back to the cuddling question.

Either there's something wrong or there is some aspect of our relationship that we're feeling is either creating distance, or unsatisfactory, and maybe we're feeling a bit needy. I know in the past I've felt that way in instances where I'm stressed out and tired and really just want to spend a night with my honey. And when he told me that he's going out with his friends, that left me feeling a bit sad and probably crankier than I already was. Because, the fact of the matter is, when I'm feeling like that, the cure is you. If you make me happy, then you'll make me happy when I'm feeling otherwise. Make sense? It's not because misery loves company. It's because you make me feel better.

So, from there it's all about communication rather than a guessing game. If I'm feeling sad-ish or stressed, I would often times just say 'Ok, go' when I really wanted him to stay because I was afraid of be a) the needy girlfriend, b) controlling, or c) a total buzzkill. More times than not I woke up the next day and realized how ridiculous I was the night before---that I was just tired and cranky and everything really was fine. But every now and then, when I did say, "Oh. Ok. Well, I was kind of looking forward to hanging out with you tonight." and he decided to stay in or spending a date night with me, I found myself extra grateful for having such a caring, generous guy. And the next weekend when he wanted to go out drinking like he's still 21 (and didn't get horrid hangovers), I would feel absolutely, 100% content about him having a boys night out.

But if you notice that your lady gets a little cold with you when you mention you're going to go out with your boys, try to stay calm and ask her what's really going on. Ask her if she had something else in mind or why she seemed so disappointed. If she responds with something like my response from above saying she was hoping to hang with you tonight, and you really want to go out with your boys, then tell her that you were really looking forward to this but maybe tomorrow night you guys can have a date... an official date. I'm sure that will at least satisfy whatever symptoms of neediness she's having. ...And be sure to drop her a "Thinking of you" text at some point during your crazy night out...

And finally, the kicker... Yes, I'm posting this because I couldn't believe the question.

Why are Women Never Satisfied?

First of all, your question is somewhat hostile. You are now insinuating that women are impossible to please and that, generally, we're always complaining about something or are miserable. Let me clarify that there is a vast difference between never being satisfied and wanting to be the best possible form of yourself. There is a difference between being miserable and wanting to improve. No one's perfect.

Women naturally are drawn to our relationships---romantic, platonic, and introspective---building and strengthening them. We view our relationships like you view business. You look at your productivity. You look at your profit. You look at the individual elements of your success or failure and you determine what your weaknesses are and where there needs to be improvement. We do the same thing with our relationships. We take inventory: Social Life, Family Life, Romantic Life, and Work Life. (Not in any particular order.) And most likely, if your woman brings one of these 'areas of improvement', she's looking for you to invest without judgement. At this point you have a choice. You can invest in your relationship and start asking yourself the questions you'd ask one of your employees or one of the questions you'd see on your annual evaluation. The result, most likely, will be a clearer self-identity, or a stronger identity as a couple. Either way you'll be closer to your woman. Or you can decide to judge; that she's never going to be satisfied and either jeopardize your relationship, or simply break up. If you view her 'evaluation' or 'inventory' as nagging, complaining, or otherwise being unsatisfied, then I'm assuming you'd prefer to go your separate ways. But if this is a pattern, then maybe it's time you turn that finger around and point it at yourself: Why are the women who are with you unsatisfied?
(Oh, snap!)

Well, I'm done with my wine, and thank you to everyone who contributed questions!