Women are from Venus, and Men are... Oh forget it!

A friend of mine sent me a link to an article of a metaphorical checklist of why women are the way we are. Why we do what we do. Ironically, this article was written by a man. And while I do commend him on his research, drive, and willingness to dive into such a foreign, scary world, there are a few things that he didn't quite cover that I thought I'd clarify on.

To give you the basis for this entry, here is the link to the article I am mentioning above. Check it out if you feel so inclined. It's funny and insightful... for a guy...
http://loverslobby.com/Womens-Mysteries.html

Now that we're past that (and I'm sorry to give you extra reading on top of the reading you're already doing) let's go one by one and get the woman's perspective!

Guys, screw the red wine, you need some scotch this week!

Why Do we go to the Loo in Pairs?
Alright. There are a bunch of reasons.

The most likely of which is probably to talk about you. So the author got this one right. If we're out with you (and 'you' meaning 'men' or most likely 'our dates') we're going to check in with each other. First off, it's important to us what our friends think of our guy. Secondly, it's important to tell our friend what we think of their guy. Thirdly, we want to make sure we're both having a good time. Because it's hard for us an individuals to have a good time if we're worried about the other person. Then maybe just maybe do we do a little giggly jig in the bathroom just to get the jitters out before we re-appear completely freshened, composed, and having that little mischievious twinkle in our eyes that you so adore.

The second option is not fear as the author so clearly stated in his piece. I don't know any grown woman who's afraid of going to the 'loo' by herself because she's going to be battered, abducted, arrested, assaulted, or otherwise come back in an unusual form. Realistically, if we're out and having a good time (or out and having a bad time for that matter) we legitimately forget that we have to go until we're about two seconds from busting out the potty dance. So when one of our friends looks at us and says, "Hey! I'm going to go to the bathroom." That's a reminder for us to check the gas gage and see how we're doing. If it happens to work out that we go together, great, maybe we'll throw in a giggly jig just for the heck of it.

And the final options is simply for company; to hand toilet paper under the stall, to borrow a lip gloss, powder our noses, and generally make sure we still look okay amongst all the drinking, sweating, bumping up against people trying to walk through a bar, or maybe double checking that those two tears that happened to leak out of our eyes at Twilight didn't mess up the big picture. (And really, it was totally allergies.)

Why do we like Cuddling with Other Girls?
So this isn't really my thing since I'm not the touch-y feel-y kind of gal unless I'm with my guy.

BUT, I think the author was right on a couple things. We like physical contact. Physical contact increases the chemical, serotonin, which causes an elevated mood and a sense of calmness and comfort. (Low serotonin production is often associated with conditions such as depression or bipolar disorder.) Anyway, physical contact does our bodies good. (Like MILK!) This is where I refer back to my entry on courtship and how simply touching a woman on the small of her back can send that electric shock up her spine. Yep! It's a good thing! Mentally, physically, and let's be honest... It's freaking great for you!

In addition to the scientific reasons we cuddle with each other, women tend to feel closer to someone when they're in close physical proximity. You may wonder sometimes why your woman wants to cuddle when you just want to watch TV. Maybe you're noticing that she's more 'clingy' than usual. My guess is that talking to her about what's going on in her life (or allowing her to ask what's going on in your life) will give her that extra security that she's feeling a gap in otherwise. Chances are she's got something on her mind, even if she doesn't know it yet. It just shows up physically. This does not mean you need to have a heart-to-heart every time your woman gets a little snuggly. Different people have different snuggle-o-meters. But if you're noticing a pattern change, then take the initiative and (without accusing her of being 'clingy' or 'all up in your space') ask her how she's doing.

But why with other women? Listen, since birth we've had teddy bears, body pillows, blankets, etc... We like having something warm to cuddle with. If it happens to be your best friend, so be it. A warm body is a warm body and, let's be honest, my best friend is a lot safer than the random guy I met at a bar last week! (Sorry, random guy!)

Why do we Expect Men to pay the Check all the Time?
We don't. Well, most of us don't. But I think you can get a sense within the first few dates with someone whether she's the type to make you pay all the time or if she'll step up to the plate.

I do think it's nice for a guy to pay on the first date. I think it's gentlemanly and it lets me know that he's happy that I came out with him. After that, we can split the bill, or let me take you out on a date.

But usually it's just a gentlemanly-courtship thing. I know guys who won't dream of letting the woman pay ever. They like being able to take care of their woman. And that's fair. (I personally feel like I want to make a contribution to dating my guy too. But based on society and history, I can understand why some men are like this.) But again, I really don't think, especially nowadays (or maybe just in the U.S.? 'Loo' isn't really the most American of words...) that women are stepping up more and taking the check.

Don't agree? Let me know. Next question!

Why do we ask if you Find Another Woman Attractive?
Yes, it's for competitive purposes. I know I've done it in the past simply to see what my guy's taste is. Women are constantly comparing themselves to other women. There is an unspoken idea that when we dress up to go out, it's not for the men... It's for the women. Men generally could care less what you're wearing (proven in my From Rags to Riches post). It's when a woman comes up to you and says, "You look really cute!" that our ego inflates (just a little) and our smile broadens. Our competition just gave us a compliment. Unheard of!

Recently I'm feeling less of a cutthroat competitive edge between women, but there will always be that sense there. Again, survival of the fittest. So, when we ask you what you think of that woman dressed in a skirt that actually should probably be a tube top, be honest! But be smart about it. You don't want to completely make your lady feel like she's Ugly Betty next to Megan Fox. If you say, "Why would I even bother looking?" we'll know you're lying. It is in our biological DNA to look at other people we're attracted to. Of course this doesn't mean we're going to do anything about it. But looking never hurts. (Unless you ogle. In which case, prepare yourself for a swift kick in the bootay!) Saying something along the lines of, 'Yes, she's hot. But nothing compared to you!' with a little smooch will ease any nerves your lady may have.

Why do we Expect you to Read our Minds?
Again, I think this is a loaded question. Generally, we don't. There are those select few women who like the game playing and have no problem putting on a pouty face purely to get what she wants. (Of course, after you have to guess what she wants to begin with.) But, women do not want to be fighting or upset. No one is perfect at communicating. Even the best communicators can be misinterpreted or misinterpret something coming at them. And honestly, sometimes we don't know what's upsetting us until we blurt it out in attempt to save face.

If there's something obvious that's bothering us, and we don't want to make a scene (maybe it's not the right time or place for discussion) then we're obviously not going to be all Snuggle bears and doves with you. But we'll be cool. If you notice that we're not acting like our usual selves, even saying something like "If something's wrong, will you please tell me about it when we get home?" let's your lady know that you noticed but you also understand why we're being quiet. (And bonus points for you!) If we get home and you ask again, "What's wrong?" and get the standard "Nothing." response, let it go but stand up for yourself. You can let her know that you know something's wrong and you're willing to talk about it when she is. $10 says she starts spilling her guts right then and there.

But you also have to understand that women, for ages, have been ridiculed for being upset about something. If we ask you to do something, it can come off as nagging. If we're upset about something you did or didn't do, it can come off as being needy, whiny, jealous, oversensitive, reactive, or PMSing. So I've known women (myself included) to just keep quiet and 'stuff it' in order to maintain that level of respect. Obviously there are exceptions to the rule as with everything. There are women who throw a tantrum about everything. But for most of us... What it ultimately comes down to is how you approach the subject. We don't expect you to read our minds. But we want to be able to speak our minds when we have something to say. Makes sense?

Well folks, I think that's enough for today's lesson on the sometimes frustrating-and-complex-but-you-love-us-anyway species we call women. Next week? Why bugs scare us, why we set our friends up with your friends, and why we feel awkward standing naked. (Sorry Dad!) AND... I would love your feedback on this and any other questions you may want answered. Perhaps after this we can delve into the depths of the male mind. Sports? Women? Work? What else...?

Cheers!